Rage and the Politics of Power
The United States of America is sitting on the edge of the precipice of destruction, with a government that no longer protects, uplifts and guides the morality, well-being and development of its people, but has turned in on itself and become a cancerous and erosive force of unconscious rage, shame and fear destroying itself and the country from within.
We hear all the time, “I don’t understand.” This suggests there is insufficient awareness of these unconscious forces within each of us, ourselves, which can affect outcomes in our personal lives.
I also hear, “I feel helpless, there is nothing I can do.” This statement again reflects the unawareness of self as an integral part of a sick body. If one cell can maintain integrity in a sick body, it has the power to heal the body. This is our responsibility – to ourselves and to our community and to our nation.
Self-Awareness – Self Responsibility – Self Love
And to quote Obama – “Yes we can.” The backlash to his presidency as a Black man is “No, you can’t.” “Yes and No” is truly a spiritual war that rages within each of us. And we have to choose moment by moment to what we say “Yes,” and to what we say “No.”
Let’s get aware together and fulfill the vision of hope that Obama gave us – individually and collectively.
Lesson One - Definitions
"Every attempt to control another is an act of violence" ~Auberon Herbert
Politics of Power: When I refer to the Politics of Power, I am talking about the use of power over other people, I am not talking about being internally empowered, but being internally disempowered. From this disempowered place we have all learned tactics of power over others to get them to meet unconscious needs and tend to our fragile feelings, that have their source and origin in a disabled and disempowered psyche, stemming from childhood trauma and dysfunction.
Politics of Control: To use the politics of power is to admit that you have a lack of inner power to meet your own needs, cannot esteem yourself, love yourself, or relate to yourself in some way that is nurturing, intimate and aware. In fact as you attempt to coerce, change, cajole others into caring for your feelings and needs, you are at the same time using control tactics to repress knowledge of how you feel and what you need. This means you are disempowered to meet your own needs or care about your own feelings.
Pause for a moment and see if you can find a place of helplessness, powerlessness, shame and fear within that has lead you into tactics of trying to coerce others into giving you what you want and think you need. If you have done any inner work, you will quickly recognize that your power tactics, manipulations, coercions and attempts to win people over, impress people, advice people, help people, give to people, make promises to people etc. all stem from a deep need for them to like you, praise you, love you, or value you. If you can find this in yourself, then you can surely recognize it in politicians whose whole career is a study of tactics to win over from others what they think they need. The political scene is not populated by enlightened saints. They use the same tactics of power and control that every one of us do. Their promises are hollow and meant only to have you fulfill their need. Unless we see it in ourselves, we will never recognize it in them, and so we will get the leaders that reflect our own level of awareness.
Unconscious feelings or fear and shame lead to control tactics to repress these feelings from awareness, which leads to passive, victim behavior in an adult. To constantly repress, deny, attack, reject our feelings and needs is an act of aggression against ourselves. In other words, our functioning is, in unawareness, various tactics of external power mongering and internal control.
Rage: The underlying feeling in using power tactics over others is rage that your need is not being met. Rage leads to overpowering and disempowering others in a desperate and vain attempt to get them to give you what you want or need. The most angry and rageful people are those that try to get others to love and value them by pleasing them. If you do not meet the need, you will meet the full force of this deep unconscious, repressed rage. The control tactics of manipulation then turn to overt rage and forceful power against you.
Under the rage is the deep shame and pain, fear and humiliation of not having some need met when you needed the external world to meet the need as a helpless child who could not yet meet their own needs. When the need was not met it left you feeling helpless, abandoned, hurt, shamed and afraid, and then angry and rageful, leading to a life of politics in power and control, instead of relationship. intimacy and connection.
Power:
Aggressive, shaming action and thought against others to ensure they meet your unaware internal childhood needs.
Control:
Passive internal defensive thought and action to repress needs and feelings to ensure you meet the needs of the external person demanding for their needs be met by you and their feelings are taken care of by you.
Politics: (AI overview)
Politics is the set of activities and ideas related to governing a country or area, the process of gaining and using power within a group, or the study of political systems. It encompasses the actions of governments and lawmakers, political opinions, and the strategies people use to influence decisions or achieve power, whether at a national level or within a workplace.
Different aspects of politics:
Government and governance:
This involves the activities of governments, lawmakers, and those who influence the way a country is run.
Power and influence:
Politics can also refer to the process of getting and keeping power within any group or organization, not just the government. This includes the use of political methods, tactics, and sometimes unprincipled strategies.
Study of political systems:
At a university level, politics is the academic field of "political science," which studies political systems and power.
Workplace politics:
This term is used to describe the activities related to getting or keeping power within a specific company or organization.
Political opinions:
In a plural sense, "politics" can refer to an individual's political opinions, principles, or party affiliations.
Study and Practice
Unless this teaching of knowledge becomes gnosis,(deep inner knowing through spiritual practices to bring the shadow to awareness) which means to stop using defenses and allow awareness to shine, the world will remain the same. Knowledge without personal awareness and application does nothing to change either oneself or anyone else, or the world.
So to aid your practice I suggest deep meditation, journaling and discussion with others of the following questions. Come to the first class ready to discuss and engage the conversation. Remember the more you wonder and ask questions, the sooner the awareness and change within happens.
What were the politics of power and control in your family of origin?
Who had the most external power, the least external power?
Who had the least external power?
What was the internal effect on each person?
How was power used over you?
How did you learn to use power?
What gives you a feeling of power, in control, superiority, goodness?
How did you learn to comply and why?
How did you learn to make others comply to your will and why?
How did you feel superior? Inferior?
What would happen if you challenged the power structures?
What tactics did you learn to repress your own feelings and needs and focus on the needs and feelings of others with more power?
How did you turn against yourself with power so as to control your own feelings and needs?
What was your role in your family of origin?
What were the rules governing the politics of power and control?
Did you feel loved? Or did you have to earn love and felt fear if you did not meet your parents needs or obey their demands?
What is the difference between meeting a need and obeying an external expectation?
Draw a picture of the system that represents the politics of power and control?
Lesson Two - To what do we say “Yes,” and to what do we say “No” - Power and Control or Love?
“Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other.”
~Carl Gustav Jung, The Collected Works of C. G. Jung: Two Essays on Analytical Psychology
The function of the instinct, which is survival and procreation, in unawareness, results in defenses (the ego). The brain is in service to the emotional responses of the instinct for self perseveration and this constitutes all the thought up power and control tactics, or defenses. As humans we can fight against and flee from our emotions in many different inventive ways because of the advanced function of the pre-frontal cortex which makes us the most advanced animal in the evolutionary process, putting us right at the top of the food chain.
We have the capacity for awareness and choice. This is apparently not available to any other species on the planet. And the choice is: either we live in an unaware state about the inner functioning of our psyche in which case the function will take over the psyche, or we become aware of ourselves as spiritual beings and live from the divinity of who we are in essence and in charge of the function of the instinctual emotions and ego thoughts that ensure survival. Until we make the choice to become aware, we are merely beings that are reactive to our environment in a highly defensive and destructive way to ourselves and others.
The work of a lifetime is to be aware, to choose love over fear, to create and contribute from the essence of our being in love and truth. Our destiny is not meant to be one of unawareness and reactivity to the environment, but to integrate our animal/human experience as a function of our true selves. The fully aware human living in alignment with the essence of the Self of love and truth, can live in harmony, awareness and peace, creating beauty and joy on earth. It requires awareness, through self observation. Without this we will lead lives of blind reactivity using every power and control tactic imaginable, to mold everything external to ourselves, to our own wills, which will create only rage, violence, wars and destruction. The choice is always ours. THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS, ONLY AWARENESS - without any thought tagged on to it.
Exercise:
Read this verse from the Tao Te Ching and consider the verse, not as an external teaching but an internal one. What does it mean? What relationship is it suggesting between the ego (function) and the soul? What if you had this inner relationship with your own shadow? How would you then show up in the world with others and in external relationships? Can you think of an actual example in your life?
What happens internally when you judge, try to control, force inner change? What happens if you condemn your feelings and needs? What if you judge your judgements?
Tao Te Ching Logia 30
Every force is met with an opposing force.
Leaders who follow the Tao
never force their will,
and never seek to defeat their opponents.
Battles do not bring victory,
only misery for all involved.
A follower of the Tao does what needs doing
without undue effort.
Isn’t worried about reward.
Knows when to stop,
and stops completely.
We can do things with great struggle
and they will sometimes seem impressive,
but they will not last.
The struggle holds them together,
when the struggle stops
they disintegrate.
Only natural work endures.
~William Martin
Paradigm Two - Awareness of ego function within Self as the Consciousness of Love
Clearly from a deep study of the first paradigm, it is clear that to live in a world of the “haves” and the “have nots,” or of perpetrators and victims is simply untenable, unsustainable and ultimately will bring about the demise of the planet. In this paradigm there is a horizontal line delineating the hierarchy of those on the top and those on the bottom. How has this line been drawn in the United States? In the world?
We are at an evolutionary cross-roads on our planet. We have to evolve to be able to live in a different paradigm of love and truth. But how? Visualize the ball again and see if you can imagine a different world using this simple metaphor. What would the world look like? How would one attain it? What expansion in consciousness, thought and intention must happen for change to occur? What expansion in feeling and need is required within oneself to become inclusive of everyone and welcome everyone to live on top of the world? Can you get a vision for how the world could look? What line would be drawn to ensure that there is no hierarchy in valuing human life, including your own? Is it possible to bring this about externally in the world? Clearly history does not bear any evidence that this is possible. So what is needed?
Personal Perspective
Now try to bring all your attention and learning about these paradigms internally and see if you can recognize how these paradigms live within you. How do you oppress, repress, suppress, depress, aspects of your own being, never allowing them a voice, or the light of day? How do these parts of you feel down under the water? What do they do to sabotage your position at the top? Try to come up with actual real life situations in your own life and come to class ready to discuss the internal dynamics of power and control, perpetration and victimization, that you live in your own inner dynamic. Can you recognize how part of you has to live underwater,and part of you lives above it all without empathy or understanding of hidden aspects of your life? How do you hate those parts of yourself that you keep underwater? Why? How did this split happen? How are you internally hierarchical in terms of what you value and accept about yourself?
Fill in the metaphorical diagrams with images and see what kind of worlds you can create in each paradigm. Keep them as constant reminders to look inward and see the dynamic played out in your own psyche. Awareness and intention = change
Have
Have not
VERTICAL HIERARCHICAL ORIENTATION OF THE HAVE’S AND HAVE NOTS, OF THE UNAWARE EGO OPERATING IN POWER AND CONTROL
The Two Paradigms - that need to be integrated
1. paradigm of the unaware ego ruled by shame and fear
2. the paradigm of an awareness of ego within the knowing of self as consciousness (divinity) - the expression of love on earth
Socialogical Perspective
Paradigm One - The Unaware Ego
Imagine the world as a great big rubber ball on the ocean of life. If you have ever played with a ball in the pool you know that with the slightest movement it revolves and turn and spins in the water. It does not stay still. It is hard to push the whole ball under the water. Imagine that this ball is the world and that people live on the top of the ball bobbing in the water, but people also live on the bottom of the world, under the water. There are no other options. There are people living lovely lives above water in the sunshine with air to breathe. The people at the bottom of the world, struggle to stay alive and have to find creative ways to get a day in the sun to keep going. All kinds of dangerous creatures lurk in the in the dark depths. It is dangerous and unpleasant. Using this metaphor think of the current political situation either in America or else where in the world. Pay close attention to where you picked as an example. Why? What past experience is being triggered within yourself?
The people at the top are invested in stopping the ball from spinning around, so that they maintain their position at the top of the world. They exert great effort and force to keep the ball from spinning. How do they do this? Pause for a moment and imagine what motivates the people at the top? Feel into their experience. What is the split experience they are having?
How do the people at the bottom feel? What is their split experience? What options do the people at the bottom have? Who bears the greatest responsibility for this situation?
In this paradigm, the people at the top have to exert power and control to keep the people at the bottom at the bottom so as to maintain their resources and position at the top. They might strike a bargain for services and money and power, by giving the people at the bottom a day in the sun occasionally in exchange for some small reward.
The people at the bottom could 1. passively accept their fate, 2. start a revolution (literally) and have the ball revolve by using aggressive power, so that they are at the top and the people at the top have to live at the bottom, or 3. they can bargain with the people at the top to get the occasional benefit at the top.
Think of historical examples of all these examples. Now think of how you have lived the role of being someone at the top and someone at the bottom of the ball in your daily interactions and relationships. What did you do? What is your pattern?
Come to class ready to discuss examples in your own life and experience.
No-one under the water - I have and you have. I will not push you under and I will not allow you to push me under.
HORIZONATAL ORIENTATION OF MUTUALITY, RECIPROCITY AND EQUALITY OF THE AWARE SOUL
Expansion in Belief System from either/or thinking to both/and thinking
I will never push you under the water, AND, I will never let you push me under the water. I will be neither perpetrator nor victim
There are enough resources for everyone on the top - no-one has to live at the bottom
I can work to find a creative way to meet my need AND your need
I can understand myself, and so I can understand you at every level of human development
Expansion of the Heart
I have empathy for you, those in my immediate circles and those on the outer reaches of my personal experience AND, I have empathy for myself. No one is excluded from my circle of concern, empathy and understanding no matter the color, race, creed, ethnicity, or gender orientation.
Lesson 3 - Paradigm One in Detail - The Societal Perspective
Recommended Reading
https://www.wicked7.orghttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSDa5gHthBY
If the center of the wheel is Power and Control, then the outer spokes will be all the - isms of the First paradigm - Facism, Racism, Imperialism, Colonialism, Sexism, Ageism, Elitism and on and on all of which use the tactics outline above.
The underlying causes are always unaware fear, shame and early emotional need. The ego defenses are the tactics of power and control. The above diagram outlines some of the tactics of Power and Control, but does not talk about the underlying motives for using these tactics. Nor does this diagram ask the reader to consider how they use these individual tactics with one another in personal relationships which are then merely a reflection of these dynamics within the psyche of every human.
So the exercise this week is for each of us to consider the tactics in this wheel and recognize how we each use them to control ourselves internally. So for instance, take the one power and control tactic under “Undermine Leadership and Collective Action by Criminalizing Protest,” ask yourself, “How do I criminalize protest, within myself?” “How do I protest and how do I stifle the protest?” eg. One part of you says, “I’m feeling shame when you criticize me, and the other part of you says, ‘It is for your own good, and you would get nothing done if I did not force you to get things done.’
Or let’s take another example, Ask yourself, “How do I foster my own economic dependency on other people? I ignore the budget …. I leave the money issues to my partner, I rationalize not working and earning money? I feel entitled to get handouts?” What is really going on internally with me that I keep refusing responsibility for my own independent financial success?”
Ask yourself, “How do I distract myself from my emotions and responsibility with addiction, sports, technology, gambling drugs and porn?” - the government cannot do it to you unless you do it to yourself.
Repeat this process with all the different issues of control - let’s take our outrage away from the leaders and see how we ourselves are complying with and living these very dynamics within ourselves and so have the leaders we deserve. Either we conform to external pressures, or we aggressively defy, instead of knowing our pain and making choices that further our lives and evolution. The issue is always to ask “Why do I make these passive or aggressive choices externally?” The answer will always be with deep reflection, “Because I do that internally to myself.”
Now draw a Power and Control Wheel and put in the pie pieces the words “Racism, Fascism, Sexism, Ageism,Ableism, Extremism,” as well as other social problems like war, genocide, capital punishment, health control of things like abortion, immunizations and treatments people need, that are also expressions of power and control, and consider how this is alive and well in your own dynamic with yourself and see how it gets projected outwards on to others. You can do the same exercise with any number of other words ending in -isms - narcissism, alcoholism, anarchism, fanaticism croneyism - on and on. It is easy to see it outside of yourself but the projection must be pulled back in, if anything is to change in the world.
So for instance, if Donald Trump were in therapy with me and I saw on the surface all of his power and control tactics, I would formulate a theory that deep under the water, in his unconscious, are all the feelings of shame, terror, pain and rage of a small child who had such intense emotions and intense needs as the result of horrendous abuse. He controls any knowledge of this with tactics of supreme control, dissociating, denying, and cutting off any recognition of these emotions and needs and using tactics on the surface to force others into meeting his every need, for value, love, attention, support, recognition by using tactics of extreme coercion - flattering those that meet the needs and destroying those that do not. He symbolically wreaks vengeance on his parents in the form of anyone that does not care about his feelings and needs.
(For an excellent psychological analysis of the mind of this kind of narcissism, Watch the movie, “The Forgiven,” about the making of a sociopath.
It is a South African movie based of the play The Archbishop and the Antichrist by Michael Ashton, which tells a story involving Archbishop Desmond Tutu’s
search for answers during the Truth and Reconciliation Commission and his meetings with the fictional character Piet Blomfeld.)
There is a scene in the movie, where under severe provocation, Tutu responds from Paradigm One, with anger and attack. This scene is very powerful to see
the effect on the perpetrator, but more importantantly on Tutu and how he recovered and rededicates himself to Paradigm Two.
Trump accumulates wealth and power to prove to himself that he has value, but no amount can ever heal the original unconscious wounding of his soul. Am I saying this excuses him, or Putin, or Netenyahu or you or me? No, I am not. It is when we stop excusing bad behavior that we know someone has understanding and empathy. Love demands limit to such behavior. Fear never demands limit, it complies. To see, understand, and have empathy, with limits to behavior, in myself, means I can know how to respond to this in others too. If you say you do not understand someone like Trump, it is a confession that you do not know, see or understand yourself either. In the movie mentioned above you can see how Tutu, repeatedly maintains himself in the Paradigm of Love, despite the hatred and provocation from the terrorist.
In each instance, as you examine the wheel, see how your tactics are merely the outward expression of an unmet childhood need and meaning you made of your needs not being met, and the pain, shame and fear you felt. If you find yourself arguing about the degree and intensity of the tactics you use with a protest, “Yes but these are just little ways and I would never do awful things like that,” then notice your defense. This is not about the degree or intensity or frequency of our actions. This is about principle. It is about living in truth and love. It is not about judging at all, but about seeing the dynamic within ourselves and within every human being. We do this only to bring our awareness into alignment with the energies of Love and Truth (Consciousness). Do not fall into the tactic of internally controlling research and development! (see diagram above).
Consider how you yourself have found it difficult to change the tactics of power and control that you use over yourself and realize how monumental it is to expect a whole society to change. Why should the government change? Why would it? If you don’t think you have to change, and are not willing to put in the work to do so, then why demand that others do?
Lesson Four - Paradigm One in Detail - Personal Relationships
America today:
AI Overview
In the U.S., millions of people experience domestic violence annually, with approximately 41% of women and 26% of men having experienced physical violence, sexual violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
Annually, over 10 million people are affected by intimate partner violence. Victims can experience severe injuries or death, and data suggests that about one in five homicide victims are killed by an intimate partner.
Lifetime prevalence
Women: About 41% have experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
Men: About 26% of men have experienced contact sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.
Stalking: About 1 in 6 women and 1 in 19 men have experienced stalking in their lifetime, most often by someone they know.
Annual occurrence
Overall: Over 10 million people experience intimate partner violence each year.
Women: An estimated 5 million acts of domestic violence are perpetrated against women 18 and older annually.
Men: Approximately 3 million acts of domestic violence are perpetrated against men annually.
It is important to recognize that the statistics reveal the tip of the iceberg - they only reflect reported incidents. The truth is that for the last 40 years of being a therapist in America, I have heard daily the myriad ways in which people use power and control tactics in their personal relationships. This is not only an American problem. It is a universal human dilemma. How we all lead and conduct our relationships is reflected in the rise of leaders who reflect this societal reality. Again, it is not about the degree, intensity, or frequency with which power and control occur; it is about recognizing the reasons why we act as either a perpetrator of power and control tactics or find ourselves helpless victims of other people’s power and control tactics. How are each of us complicit in living in Paradigm One? How committed are we to expansion and growth to live in a different paradigm of equality, mutuality, love, reciprocity, respect, and love?
Exercise:
Study the Power and Control Wheel and consider all the little ways you live in this paradigm. Then analyze incidents by using some everyday examples in your own experience:
What do I experience as a threat, even when there is no realistic threat?
What need do I have that I think someone is not meeting? Why do I believe they should?
What feelings are activated from childhood as a result of this perception?
What were the original experience/experiences that resulted in big feelings?
What did I learn to think and believe about myself?
What tactics did I learn to try to get others to meet my needs and care about my feelings, because I do not yet know how to do this myself?
What tactics am I currently using to try to make other people like, love, and value me because I cannot yet do so myself?
How do I do violence to myself and others? How am I myself a terrorist against the child within me? Do I hate the child within? Am I irritable, impatient, dismissive of my feelings and needs (the child)? How is this different from the horrific gun violence against children? Surely the societal problem is merely a reflection of the adult hatred of the emotions and needs of the inner child. It is the same, in principle, if not in the extremism of the actions of those unfortunate humans that have no awareness of their murderous rage towards their own inner vulnerable and hurt child, projected out onto the world, recreating the same revolving scenario from generation to generation.
Recommended Reading
Broken Toys, Broken Dreams - Terry Kellogg
Study the pages that outline boundary violations, all of which are more subtle tactics of power and control, very often considered “normal,” because this level of dysfunction is the norm.
Lesson Five - Summary of the Two Paradigms Representing Two Stages of Human Development
Paradigm One, in summary, is the function of the unaware ego. Unawareness of the motive of feelings of shame, fear, and rage, and unawareness of the inner need that cannot yet be met internally. This stage results in the deployment of all tactics of power and control, i.e., defenses.
Paradigm Two, in summary, is the Self awakened and aware of the function of the ego, how it formed, and fully in charge of when it is used to the benefit of self AND other. Knowing oneself as Consciousness, i.e., awareness without the addition of thought, feeling, need, or defense, is Love.
What emanates from love is, by definition, loving for oneself and others. When love is blocked by ego, it is not loving to self or other.
See chart 1
See chart 2
Exercise:
Journal each night about the power and control tactics you used during the day that do not reflect the love of who you are. Analyze why and how you were unaware of the thought or tactic you used.
Lesson Six - Learning to Control Anger and be Internally Empowered - Part 1
Anger is the hallmark of Paradigm One; however, very few people can identify this feeling. It has been suppressed and repressed, dumbed down and muted out of awareness through numerous defensive tactics. Instead of being able to identify and name our anger, it is acted out sideways in endless acts of mini aggressions, all socially sanctioned as normal. Judgment direct or indirect, as in trying to change other people by giving them advice not asked for, helping them, rewarding them for doing what you think is “right,” punishing them for doing what you think is “wrong,” superiority, blame, criticism, self-righteousness, pouting and sulking when others do not meet your needs, withdrawing affection, the silent treatment, gossip, forming alliances against someone in judgment, sarcasm, snide remarks… and on and on. This is anger. It is justified—self-righteous anger. And yet, all that it is is the myriad ways in which you have been treated, have internalized the dynamic, and the way you now treat yourself if you ever move outside of what is “good, right, and perfect,” according to the mores of your upbringing. At an unconscious level, you are now the moral watchdog for yourself and everyone else, and you feel you have the right to overpower, change, and aggress against others in the same way you do to yourself. This is the explanation of the psychological term, projection.
This does not even begin to address the thousands of hateful ways in which people are aggressive in rage against others in overt and violent ways. However, as I said earlier, it is not a matter of degree, frequency, or intensity; it is a matter of principle. And the only solution to the issue is an empathetic and understanding awareness of the difficulty of not acting like a knowledgeable animal and becoming human instead.
So, assuming you wish this for yourself - to stop being reactive, unaware, and living in intelligent instinct and ego defense, and desire to become human, let’s explore how to do that:
Recognizing and Identifying Anger and Rage
Start noticing all the times you use “rage words” of one degree or another: mad, annoyed, pissed off, irritated, indignant, resentful, bitter, hostile… what is your favorite word?
Recognizing Projection
Now ask yourself, “Why?” Usually, you will immediately answer, “Because that person did …. did not do…” Notice this. See how you are projecting (blaming) and are primed to use power-and-control tactics on that person.
Notice Resistance and Rationalization
When challenged by the idea of projection, you might find yourself objecting, “Yes, but does that mean that what the other person did is okay?” No, of course not. It does mean that what your business is, is your own inner response to this. Will you be an unaware, reactive victim or a perpetrator in response to the other person, or will you use the opportunity to know yourself and find a way to meet your own need for safety, love, value, and belonging? This might mean setting a limit with someone, but it would not be out of anger. It would be from a deep knowing of what is in your best interests and theirs as well. It is never loving to not insist on limits on what is not loving towards you internally and externally. The idea that something must change outside of you to be at peace, happy, or fulfilled is a false belief and a dead end. This belief must be corrected, and a limit must be set on old patterns of belief. This idea must be replaced with the idea that you are not dependent on other people. You are fully responsible for your own feelings, needs, beliefs, and behaviors, and this is the only thing that is within your control.
After Resistance, a Deep Investigation
Once you have settled down by correcting your inner belief system about others changing, then it is time to go internal and do the inner work. We must know how to do it. What are the questions to ask oneself to go deeper and deeper? Remember, the deeper the roots of awareness, the greater the tree’s growth. To grow, we must tap deep underground resources. Water and nutrients are underground, not above ground. We must be connected to the Great Spiritual Mother of us all and her inner guidance in what is loving and true and leads to growth - the very water of life, and drink from her deeply.
The Right Container
As an expression and creation of the Great Mother, you, too, are essentially consciousness. Consciousness, which is the infinite energies of Love and Truth, is the container for everything that is created - all the thoughts, feelings, perceptions, needs, and behaviors you have generated are held within the container of your own consciousness. What images come to mind as you meditate on this concept? What is your experience of this state of being in your body? As an expression and creation of the Great Mother, your very DNA is formed through consciousness. Consciousness, which is the infinite energies of Love and Truth, is the container for all that is created - all the thoughts, feelings, perceptions, needs, and behaviors that you choose are held within the container of your own consciousness. What is the experience of this state of being in your body? Once you can see that the small cluster of perception, leading to feeling, thought, need, and behavior, is infinitesimal in relationship to the container in which it is held, you will find the courage for the next step.
Relationship
What would the relationship between Infinite Consciousness within be with the external manifestations of thought, feeling, need, and behavior look like? This is an important question. Our first gods were our parents, and they were the embodiment for us, as small children, of what is good and loving, and yet, how they related to us was very often everything but loving or authentic to their own state of being. Most of us reach adulthood confused about what love is. We, in fact, have no idea how to relate to our own inner experiences with anything other than what was given to us in relationship and what we received from our parents. We call punishment and reward love. We call helping and controlling love. We call it interfering and advise giving love. We call gossiping about others and eliciting alliances against others loving. We harass, judge, and criticize, “for our own good and the good of others.” We do not even know how to be empathetic to ourselves, let alone loving, because we have never been taught to honor and respect our own feelings, needs, and thoughts. The very first step in learning to have an empathic relationship with ourselves is:
To listen, observe, notice, enquire, and show interest in what is happening within ourselves.
To the extent that we were listened to, noticed, and our thoughts, feelings, and needs were received with interest in us as children, is the extent to which we will have introjected that dynamic and learned to do it for ourselves.
To notice the immediate thought reaction to what you hear, see, and observe. Notice if it is judgment, criticism, or some form of disgusted response to
what you see, hear, and observe.
All these responses are rage, anger, dismissal, and the use of force against a child. This is the internalized parental response you received as a child. This is not love. This is not YOU. This is to meet inner rage with rage, and we cannot solve the problem from the same level at which it was created. You cannot make war to end war. You cannot meet rage with rage and think it will lead to inner or outer peace. To observe our inner rage with equanimity to the first step in learning to love ourselves and the hardest step of all.
Change the inner belief that long-term change happens through fear tactics of rage, punishment, shaming, rejection, criticism, or judgment. It does not. Only awareness can bring long-term change. Remind yourself of this repeatedly until the urge to be hatefully reactive to yourself changes to curiosity as to WHY you behave the way you do, and are willing to dive deeply into the historical reasons for your patterned reactivity.
Lesson 7 - Learning to Control Anger and be Internally Empowered - Part 2
A Deep Investigation - Key points to internalize
The hidden roots of rage, anger, irritation, annoyance, being pissed off, are SHAME - ALWAYS SHAME.
It is impossible to go any further in our investigation until we ask ourselves the simple question: “How am I making this external event mean something about my identity? How am I agreeing with the message of the external event that I am somehow wrong, bad, unlovable, imperfect, and worthy only of revenge, abuse, judgment, criticism, and punishment? Without this deep, hidden belief and feeling, there would be no reactivity into anger, only curiosity and a desire to understand what is occurring to protect oneself and understand the other person. Essentially your rage is protecting you from knowing about the hidden shame. You abandon that feeling and belief by rising above it in anger and then projectile vomiting it outwards. To be aware of this dynamic is the start of self-empowerment.
The deeper and more unaware the shame, the more intense the shame, the quicker and more intense the anger response will be. It will seem as if the anger is instantaneous. Think of your anger as measured on a thermometer. Right now, draw a thermometer and calibrate it from 1 - 10 using your own words and colors to indicate the progression of the feelings. It is important to be aware of the subtler feelings before 4 on the thermometer.
Once your feelings reach a 4 on your anger thermometer, it is unlikely you will not act out aggressively, whether with sarcasm or physical violence. The power of shame and rage has the potency of a two-year-old temper tantrum, because it all started before age 6.
Anger becomes a habituated pattern of response. Think about how this occurred in your life and why? How did you learn it? How do you get your way using your anger to intimidate others? There is always a cause and effect. There is always a hidden need and a want. There is always a big feeling of fear of feeling shame. There is always immediate gratification, release and reward. What are they?
How were anger and power, and control tactics, a part of the society you grew up in, normalized in family life, and condoned in schooling?
Decide right now, “Anything is better than expressing aggression and violence. If you find resistance to this statement, write the argument down and see if you can speak directly to it and form a relationship with the part of you that still wants to hold on to power and control over others.